Honesty
by Chelsey McCarthy, on honesty
Anxiety
It starts in my chest, It gets hard to breathe
I take a deep breath, But it does not stop.
The rush of panic, filling my lungs.
Tightening my chest, coming undone.
I ask for help.
They look at me like I’m crazy.
So what if I am?
I just need a moment of calm.
Of peace, to wash over me.
I am not paranoid.
I am not insane.
I’ve got anxiety that never goes away.
I do not want this, to feel this way.
Like I am dying, and it’s mere moments away.
Can’t you carry me away?
From all these thoughts that haunt my brain.
I don’t want to feel like I am dying inside.
The walls are caving in, and I am buried alive.
I take a pill.
But one isn’t enough.
It’s never enough.
Damn, it’s so hard to breathe, but no one is listening.
They only see what they want to see.
Denial can be your best friend when you don’t have the time to care.
I am all alone in my fears.
I close my eyes.
Is it over yet?
Ed (Eating Disorder) Speaks
You’re always safe with me.
The you, I only see.
Your flesh is all I’ll take.
Your brittle bones will break.
I’ll love you to your core.
Until your heart can take no more.
You are nothing without me.
Death becomes you, let it be.
The pain will never ease.
Despite your hollow pleas.
Stop wasting all your breath.
With what little you have left.
You always take me.
At my word.
When everyone else.
Leaves me unheard.
The ones you loved, unrequited.
Made room for me, albeit uninvited.
Death Becomes Her
My heart is beating.
I am breathing.
The world keeps moving on.
I try to find
My peace of mind
But it has gone.
I take a deep breath
Because it’s all I’ve got left
But I’m tired of holding on.
There’s nothing left to do.
But wait day by day
Until I can finally escape
From the war within me
And maybe then I will be free.
My heart is beating
I am breathing
The world keeps moving on
I cry my last cry
Sigh my final sigh
And let go of the rope
That ED has tied
I’m finally able to say goodbye
To the eating disorder
That corrupted my mind.